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We don't plan on making a habit of leaving our blogging hovel, but we just returned from a leisurely lunch at Paramount's cafeteria. (Please, before you get any crazy ideas, we were eating in the downscale section, looking forlornly through a couple of panes of glass at the fancy people in the executive dining room.)

We were pleasantly surprised to discover that the marketing geniuses at the Big Studio That Can't had adopted some of the same progressive, intramural marketing ideas that we've long admired at the Fox News Cafe. In fact, the Paramounties might have done their peers one better—rather than merely serve themed meals, a la Fox, they've turned their employees into human billboards for Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. Each cafeteria worker was gamely wearing a t-shirt and black scarf plugging the movie that the studio hopes will erase the memory of a bitter 2004. We salute Paramount for utilizing their available assets, but we'd also like to humbly suggest that clothing articles can be removed, drastically reducing their promotional effectiveness. Next time, go with the tattoos and the brands to maximize mindshare.