Attention job seekers: always wanting to help you as best we can, we've discovered the perfect position for the otherwise unemployable. The Times online department is looking for an associate editor, so put that bong down and brush up your resume! Responsibilities include:

Manage the hard news sections, including the home page, politics, business, national, international, metro, etc.

Contribute to and manage the implementation of the editorial vision of the Web site.

Maintain the journalistic quality and integrity of the The New York Times.

Oh, har har. Seriously, this is the easiest job ever.
Assistant Editor Position [mediabistro]