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· Dick Clark suffers a stroke, imperiling America's ability to remain at the top of the New Years Rockin' industry. OR, Somewhere, a portrait in Dick Clark's attic suddenly got 30 years younger.
· Angelina Jolie and Colin Farrell used to play the cutest game on the set of Alexander. And by cute we mean "involving his penis nearly being yanked off by Jolie." But not a sexual kind of yanking, mind you.
· How could anyone want to sue the man who put the words "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age" into his mouth?
· Hollywood's cults should all chip in for a gigantic fruit basket thanking Mischa Barton for not being a joiner.
· To paraphrase a reader, "Soon to be starring Tim Allen."