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In this edition: Chevy Chase, Bill Clinton, Chelsea Clinton and Ian Klaus, Morgan Freeman, Molly Shannon and Heather Graham, Hugh Jackman, Lindsay Lohan, Joan Rivers, Patricia Clarkson, Vincent D'Onofrio, Drew and Fab, Owen Wilson, Olsens, Kelly Osbourne, David Duchovny, Seth Meyers, Paul Rudd, Wes Anderson, Dianne Weist, Larry Fishburne, Matt Dillon, Tony Danza, Betsey Johnson, Jon Stewart, Tina Fey, Steve Martin, Scott Weiland, Luke Wilson, John Norris, Estelle Parsons, Isabella Rossellini, Daniel Radcliffe, Chris Noth, Frances McDormand, Barry Williams, Michael Musto and Ethan Hawke. [Ed: We are considering an Ethan Hawke Moratorium unless someone can spot him behaving badly.]

Last Wednesday, I nearly ran into Chevy Chase tearing his way into a midtown office building. He seemed to be shooting for "incognito", but the fact that he was smoking a cigarette inside and mumbling to himself threw a wrench in those plans. Mr. Chase proceeded to stomp out his cigarette on the carpet and then shouted something unintelligible in the direction of the building's security guards. After this show, he lit up another smoke and made his exit from the building. Bravo.

Thursday 12/2, 9:30pm: I left the movie theatre in Times Square & walked up 8th Ave. to grab 40-ouncers for my ladyfriend and me. (I know, classy) Passing the large chain hotel on 43/8, I saw 2 black SUVs with lingering pasty white men in suits ... the instantly recognizable must-have accessory for celebrities and heads of state. Sitting inside the lit interior of one SUV was President Bill Clinton. Not sure if it's kosher to jaywalk in front of the Secret Service, I waited for The Big Hand to let me cross the street, buying me time to catch his entourage advancing one (1) block before his ex-Presidentialness hopped out and went into Starbucks. I know the man had a heart bypass recently... shouldn't he see if he can't get a lil exercise in on his 37-foot commute from the steakhouse to the coffee shop? I mean, goddamn.

Around 11 last night, there was some kind of conflama wrapping up at 2nd Ave. and 7th St crowds of people were standing around staring at ambulances and police vans, but I'd missed the "event." Then I noticed Ian Klaus (longish curly hair, very cute) and Chelsea Clinton (hair pulled back, fresh-faced and smiling) getting out of a cab. They made their way to Frank's with two other people; everyone was very cheerful and cute. No one on the street paid any attention to them. Then I wondered... was all that hoo-ha on 2nd Ave. some kind of Secret Service diversion so Ian, Chelsea etc. could get to Frank's unnoticed? Would a (former) first daughter's social privacy needs merit such drama? Hm.

The Regency Hotel - Park Ave. Sunday 12/5: Morgan Freeman brunching while enjoying a beer (positive ID on the beer btw) at 1:00pm on a sunday with two younger light-skinned ladies in a booth ... 1 wife and 1 daughter? 2 daughters? Ate with his jacket on. Larry King was three tables over with a very young blond woman and a man ... maybe his wife? She was kind of hot, he looks like an old man an his voice resonates like a fog horn, cut through the screams of Burberry-clad Park Ave. toddlers.

11/29 saw molly shannon and heather graham right behind me at joe's pub watching the band maxi geil. both beautiful and but were surprisingly average/short height. heather had barely any makeup and looked gorgeous. and molly looked slim and pretty. both just looked like and acted like normal people.

Yesterday I spotted handsome hugh jackman in soho. He was holding his daughter s hand and looked very sweet with her, while shopping for Xmas presents. Hugh the best present for me would be a dinner with you!

I saw ryan adams at 2nd ave deli the other day, but that is BORING. This is much better: I went to Megu last night (11/2) and as I got up to go to the bathroom, I saw Lindsay Lohan sitting at a table outside of the private room where we were eating. (Note: This means I had a better table than LL.) She was looking very orange and needs to stop tanning, but was very skinny (and she spent a lot of time in the bathroom with her friend). She was there with about 10 people and it looked like they were celebrating a birthday.

11/30 I was sitting up front at Modern Orthodox (Molly Ringwald is in it - cool!) and I hear this annoying laugh behind me - I turn around and to my disgust there was Joan Rivers. Plastic Surgery has been kept alive by this woman.

I had a close encounter with Joan Rivers last night at "Democracy." You know, you think you're prepared to see her face to face, but trust me — you're not. At first I thought an animatronic Kroft puppet had escaped from some Disney entertainment in Times Square. Anyway, Joan seems to be streamlining her life a bit, as her car and driver could have easily been confused with any ol' gypsy cab from WashHeights. Standing alone in an ankle-length fur and sipping deli coffee out of a paper cup, it was clear she was hoping for someone — ANYONE — to interview her on her imaginary red carpet. But no one did.

Patricia Clarkson outside Bigelow's Pharmacy on 6th Avenue in the Village. Tues, 11/30 at 7 pm. Not young, but very pretty with blond hair under a dumb wool cap. She was talking too loudly on her cell about a rehearsal. But that scratchy voice of hers is awesome.

Saw Vincent D'Onofrio buying an iPod at, of all places, the Union Square Virgin Megastore yesterday. As he was leaving, I saw him doing an impersonation of someone (couldn't tell who), flailing his arms and jumping up and down in the rock/pop section. He's an odd fellow.

had lunch at shopsins on saturday. drew barrymore and fabrizio were there too (she was eating bacon). her skin is luminous. of course, everyone pretended not to care...until they left. as soon as they walked out the door, these girls exclaimed to one of the shopsins' people: she's so skinny! he replied, yeah, she's been coming here for a while and she's skinny now but she used to be chubby. um, that's kinda rude.

walked past black-clad owen wilson and male friend on bedford avenue in the middle of a weekday. OW wore sunglasses and looked cold. we sort of checked each other out and then i realized it was him - or rather, I recognized his nose. he's shorter than i thought. i wanted to warm him up.

This afternoon (Saturday) at around dusk, my friend and I were waiting to cross Astor Place by Starbucks. I wasn't paying any attention, but my friend brushed me back toward the sidewalk because an enormous black Yukon SUV with California plates was about to turn me into pavement. I stared it down as the car slowed. Door opened, enormous security guard emerged, went to the other side of the car and opened the door for tiny little Mary-Kate Olsen and entourage so they could go into Starbucks. She looked like every other photo that graces InTouch— munchkin homeless person with too large green Balenciaga on arm.

I went to Rothko on Sat. night (12/4) for the Vice Records showcase, and who should I see there but fucking Kelly Osbourne. So bizarre... I didn't recognize her because she had these weird ass hair extensions and was wearing her hair in one of the 1985-style side ponytails. Apparently she is dating one of the dudes from Death From Above 1979, and is clearly trying to resurrect any sort of potential indie credibility after dating with that douchebag from The Used.

Saw David Duchovny on 9th Street and Sixth Avenue today [Dec. 5]. What a hottie!!! Had some Sunday stubble with a black sweatshirt (today was unusually warm for this time of year) and jean and the dude looked HOT HOT HOT! He was holding a bag from Barnes and Noble, must be a present for Tea!

Saw SNL sexpot Seth Meyers (the thinking-man's Jimmy Fallon) outside the uber-trendy Spotted Pig Thursday night. He and a friend (male, didn't recognize) saw the crowd and decided it wasn't worth it. Looked hot in baseball cap and leather jacket.

On the flight from LAX to NYC Saturday afternoon (12/3 on American) I was sitting in front of Paul Rudd. He is very cute and is working a scruffy beard type thing that toughens him up a bit but damn if he isn't short. He had his laptop open for a while and I glanced at it when I was coming back from the bathroom. He had Microsoft Word open and had written just four words. Mysterious! I couldn't see them. He probably wrote: Stop looking at me. You know who isn't short? Wes Anderson! Also on my flight and positively dreamy. Wearing a mustard yellow/green cordouroy suit (too short pants of course) and tan suede earth shoes. He was tall and lean and sans glasses and on his cell phone the second we landed. I stalked him near baggage claim his luggage was definitely the 1st out and he had a male assistant load it all up and push it out on a cart. He has a lot of luggage for a guy who wears the same thing all of the time.

Dianne Weist running to see Closer, alone, on 66th and Broadway.

Friends and I were at a bar in WaHI last night when Larry Fishburne walked in and asked the bartender for cigarettes. She couldn't help him and by then he had been recognized, so Larry left, presumably to get cigarettes from the all-night Korean groceries on 181st Street. Surprisingly his skin didn't look bad, certainly not as bad as it has in past photos. Guess the ProActive is working!

I was at the Starbucks at 86th and Columbus on Sunday afternoon with a friend, waiting for my drinks when I look over and see this guy in a long blue coat, with slicked-back hair and sunglasses, and I think "wow, that guy looks like a bloated version of Matt Dillon." I subtly try to make the take-a-look-over-there nod to my friend who responds to me, out loud, "what do you think he's cute?" and is about to say "what are you crazy? he's gross" when she too realizes that we are standing ne to the star of "Over the Edge" and goes all quiet on me. As I stood at the counter, semi-starstruck, Matt comes up behind me and without saying excuse me rubs up all over me in the manner of a subway perv as he reaches for one of those cardboard holder thingies. It was totally awesome.

Grabbed drinks with a friend at the Tribeca Grand Hotel last night, when all five foot six of Tony Danza strolled in with a chick who we agreed was maybe better looking than 50% of the population, but not nearly hot enough for someone of his legendary fame and stature. He pretended not to hear us singing the 'Who's The Boss' theme song a couple times in a row and making references to 'She's Outta Control' — he's a good sport.

Company xmas party was last night (2 Dec) at Matsuri Restaurant. MmMmM ... sake. Lots of sake. And of course my coworker has to point out to my wasted self that Betsey Johnson is sitting waiting for a table. And of course I end up sitting down next to her telling her how awesome her clothes are. And of course it strikes me as a great idea to buy her a drink. And then she invited me to her table!! Too bad I can't remember any of the conversation or what she was wearing, but her hair was wicked cool, and she's one of the nicest celebs I've ever met. If you're out there Betsey, sorry for being a stalker, and I still think you're cool!! :)

Saw Jon Stewart at the Jody Morlock show at her gallery in Chelsea last night. Good things certainly do come in small packages. Happy to report that he s as polite, funny and charming as a future president of the United States should be. Interested in and knowledgeable about the art (he mentioned how he has several Morlock pieces and how his son loves them) and when we were introduced, he seemed genuinely interested in knowing what I do for a living. Though, it was a little awkward to have both my real boyfriend and my imaginary one together in the same room.

saw steve martin at barney's this afternoon (12/3). appeared to be wandering alone through women's' clothes...

Sunday, 12/5, Saw Tina Fey loitering outside the Beekman Theater on 2nd at 66th. Was she really coming out of a matinee screening of Bridget Jones 2? Maybe working late on Saturdays requires a good nap Sunday afternoons.

left the time warner center after seeing a docile terrier wearing a cowboy hat as its owner bought him a leather vest (as i stared, she looked at me angrily and said, "i can tell you're not used to seeing dogs wearing hats." i shook my head. "he has about 15," she said, and then ignored me) and almost ran into scott weiland, who was coming out of the bank there. Very ruddy, looking like he's still all about the h, wearing tight burgundy pants over his tiny buns, a girly scarf, and a cap so puffy that you'd think he had dreadlocks stuffed in it. somehow, i found the dog a little more memorable.

Saw Luke Wilson last night (Dec. 2nd) at the Tribeca Grand with Canadian ballerina Noa Taffet. He was drinking champagne all night and looking quite sloshed. He appeared very into her but she was playing it very coy and demure.

Two sightings this week, one a little less boring than the other. The first was John Norris (from MTV) at Nooch having dinner with a man WAY younger than himself. The other was Estelle Parsons (the only thing I know her from is Roseanne where she played Roseanne s mom) at the Lost Objects gala at BAM.

Saw Isabella Rossellini last night, chatting away on her cell phone, on the steps of BAM after the Bang on a Can premiere. She was with a much older woman - swedish aunt - waiting for her black car to return to Manhattan. Anyway, Isabella looked gorgeous, in a long black duster.

Daniel Radcliffe, right? He was with a hefty looking buddy at the 9:15 showing of National Treasure. I was drunk so the movie seemed like a good idea. An ad came on for the third Harry Potter DVD and his friend laughed and the Harry Potter kid said really loudly, "oh SHIT." Then he got out of his seat and moved to the back of the theatre. Where I stared at him drunkenly.

I was walking up 6th Avenue last night and was waiting to cross 11th street when I looked up and spotted Chris Noth on the other side, hiding beneath an impressively large mustache. Of the silky variety not exactly handlebar, but rather more Wilford-Brimley-meets-Seventies-porn... rowr!

I saw an honest to goodness Frances McDormand eating next to me at inoteca Monday night. She didn t look smaller, older, uglier, etc. in person. She just looked like Frances McDormand.
I just finished my lunch at the Tribeca Bubby's when my friend pointed out a rather well dressed Mary-Kate with an older woman in the corner. There were no body guards, but there wasn't any food either.

Saw Barry "Greg Brady" Williams waiting for a train at the Columbus Circle subway station on 12/2. Looking very Johnny Businessman in a wool coat and glasses, with a briefcase and shopping bags at his side. Seems he's in town doing "A Christmas Carol." Nice eye contact. Maybe he *did* get those love letters I sent him in 1979.

I saw Michael Musto on Lafayette and E. 4th with a red-headed woman who looked like she used a whole compact of blush for each cheek. Didn't have time to check out the outfits, I'm sorry to report.

Just another Ethan-Hawke-as-caring-single-dad sighting. Madison Sq. dog run, sunday afternoon. Ethan, cute little blond daughter, perky little b/w mutt. Ethan all spiky-haired and layered grunge. He didn't get on the cell phone once for the half hour I was there. Teaching his daughter about different dog breeds. Very sweet. I'd do him.