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This account of last night's B-list-riddled Motorola Christmas party can't save the sucker who might have plunked down big bucks to get close to celebrities in their natural habitat, i.e., in proximity to cameras and free drinks. On the other hand, how can we attach a price tag to an opportunity to get smacked by Bijou Phillips' purse? Some things have more than a mere monetary value.

I really hope no one wasted $250 trying to get a ticket to last night's party.

Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn were the only highlights in a roomful of b-listers: Nicole Richie, Bijou Phillips, Nicolette Sheridan (looking vaguely like a homeless ski bunny in mukluks and a crocheted hat), Kelly Osbourne, a Masterson or two, and wee Breckin Meyer. LL Cool J put on a good show, though when he tried to get the crowd going by pulling "hot" chicks up on stage to dance, let's just say he made some really bad choices. Not like last year when the OC kids were making out all night and Nicky Hilton showed up with newly brown hair! Ah, the memories. Did I just imply that Vince Vaughn is A-list? Everyone good must have been at the GQ party.