Heeb Magazine's Jewish Media Math

We all know about Kabbalah, but how does the mystical Jewish mathematics work on the ground?
Yeah, we can't answer that (ask Esther, if you must), but we can try to divine some mystical numbers from a canonical Jewish text. We are referring, obviously, to the November issue of Heeb, the hipster Jew [sic.] magazine. Here's how it works with the magazine's cover story:
Arye "double-dip" Dworken x the "Triple Trouble" Beastie Boys = quadruple-digit sales.
Knowledge, people. Knowledge.
