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In his final day of testimony in The Hollywood Trial of the Century, Disney CEO Michael Eisner expressed regret that the trial's more sensational elements might have painted an unflattering picture of the entertainment business that he loves so dearly.

"I don't think the Hollywood that was depicted in this courtroom earlier or that is cliched in articles or written in books is the real Hollywood," Eisner said. "I think the real Hollywood is the Hollywood that exports the greatest export outside the United States..."

Eisner rose from his chair on the witness stand and unfurled a flag depicting the iconic Hollywood sign. "What's going on here between me and Michael Ovitz, that's not the real Hollywood. The $2 million office renovation just because Mike thought that a poor person might have have broken wind in it, or, God forbid, copulated in it after hours, the expense account abuses, the bickering, the undelivered memos...none of that is Hollywood. The real Hollywood is forever captured in a diorama in my office at Disney, a pristine place where tiny moguls receive blowjobs in the middle of premiere galas, where wee aspiring actresses trade their bodies for their first screen credit in dimly-lit casting offices, and where miniature agents commission human cockfights involving their assistants in a crowded conference room, just to determine which one bleeds the most." Eisner sighed, and a single tear silently rolled down his ruddy cheek. "That's the Hollywood I love, that we all love, the Hollywood I stare at each morning before polishing the anatomically-correct Mickey statue that stands guard over the diorama, ensuring that its untainted vision of our town is never compromised. God, I love Hollywood."