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A reader sends in yet another account of a paranoia-tinged screening. From the sound of last night's over-the-top security measures, it won't be long before the body-cavity search becomes a regular part of the preview experience—who knows what kind of recording equipment someone might have "accidentally" fallen on before the movie? We suggest viewers learn some anal Kegel exercises to prepare for this inevitability, with a self-administered, rubber glove dry-run in between sets.

I was at the sold out The Life Aquatic screening last night at The Egyptian Theater. (Wes Anderson was supposed to show, but canceled, causing the audience to boo at the Disney exec who had to explain this before the movie.)

The Disney thought police were out in full force, with their ridiculous mouse-eared 'cast' buttons no less. This is really getting out of hand.

Entry to the theater was similar to the security screening at an airport, with multiple redundant levels of security. First you were checked for outside food and beverages, a first since you are always allowed to bring coffee from Starbucks across the street. I guess I could have hidden secret recording devices in my cappuccino. Next you are asked to leave your cell phone and drivers license (!) if they see your cell phone is capable of taking pictures. These guys must think the stuff in their crappy movies is real, otherwise they would know there isn't a cell phone on the market capable of videotaping a 2 hour movie. I suppose of course I might try to broadcast the small crappy image my cell phone camera takes over an encrypted signal in realtime to the waiting van across the street filled with high tech equipment manned by the Russian mafia's ex-KGB communications expert while ninjas prowl the nearby rooftops looking for any sign of the MPAA.

Once they take your cell phone and drivers license it's placed into a plastic bag and you are given a ticket to redeem them later (just like in prison!). After this you are then asked to open your bags and raise your arms while a metal detector is run all over your body. Thankfully you don't have to take off you shoes and belt yet like at the airport, but I am sure once they figure out shoes are the perfect hiding place for James Bond heel-cameras to record the film while having your legs crossed this is coming next.

After you have run this gauntlet, during the film you are subjected to even more security as annoying red security dots with tracking id's flash on the screen every 15 minutes and scowling uniformed security personal scan the audience like the secret service.

After the screening I went to the table to collect my cell phone and handed them my ticket. The table had over 100 phones on it in the plastic bags. The geniuses they have working security couldn't find my phone after five minutes of searching so I looked myself and managed to find the ticket number in about 30 seconds. While I was waiting though I was able to enjoy this conversation between security and a well dressed agent type:

"Do you have your ticket sir?"

"You never gave me a ticket."

"Yes we did sir."

"I have another ID."

"I need your ticket sir."

"You never gave me a ticket"

"You'll have to wait till we are done here and then we'll try to find your phone."

In despair the agent person said "Why am I being punished for your mistakes?"

Hah! I feel like saying the same thing every time I go to the multiplex, so SUFFER!