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Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and make sure you let Bruce Willis know you saw him chew with his mouth open.

In today's jam-packed episode: Jack Nicholson fondling velvet at Barney's; Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor idling at The Dime; Scarlett Johansson hunting for antibacterial tissues at Target; Kiefer Sutherland tottering in Los Feliz; Beck and Giovanni Ribisi taking a break from the Celebrity Centre at Avalon; Chloe Sevigny—where else?—at Morrissey; Shawn Wayans; Toni Braxton; Rachel Blanchard, Jason Schwartzman, and Zooey Deschanel; Mike Tyson and Gabrielle Reece; Woody Harrelson; Christine Lahti; Tate Donovan; Nicole Richie; Chris Kattan; Chris Carmack; Gene Simmons; Eric Balfour; Brian Robbins; Daniel Baldwin; Phil Spector; Dennis "Principal Belding" Haskins.

· This Sunday afternoon, I saw Jack Nicholson at Barney's. He was walking around the third floor women's section, with drink in hand and, of course, sunglasses and smirk. He was with what appeared to be a personal shopper-looking guy who was holding a big armful of clothes, and a tweener girl (his daughter?). He was there forever, and when we left, we saw him on the first floor, fondling some velvet headbands and giggling to himself. It was beautiful.

· Ran across Gaylord Focker RN [Ben Stiller] and real-life wife Christine Taylor outside The Dime on Saturday night (11/13). Of course, everyone says the same things with these encounters - "so and so girl was so skinny" and "such and such guy was surprisingly short". Well, it's true. You could draw wife as a stick-figure and not be that far off. Stiller was standing near the door so I had to awkwardly brush past on the way in and way out. He seemed ready to explode in a fit of rage at any moment. Little did he know, I was armed and ready with a skewer I had picked up from a dinner party.

· Saw Scarlett Johansson at the Target on La Brea and Santa Monica today. She was looking absolutely gorgeous in the Kleenex aisle, bitching about either the abundance or lack of antibacterial tissues. I didn't even know they made antibacterial tissues. She is quite pretty in person, and her voice is awesome. I hate to be so gushing (I really, really want to hate celebrities) but I was quite taken with her.

· Walking down Vermont last night, I spotted Jack Bauer himself, Kiefer Sutherland, looking very tipsy outside of Figaro Brasserie. He was mumbling something to some patrons sitting next to him, whilst his pretty date looked beside herself.

· Saw Beck and brother-in-law Giovanni Ribisi enjoying a set from the Eagles of Death Metal at the Avalon during the MTV2 Shortlist Awards Concert.

· Spotted Chloe Sevigny at the bathroom at the Morrissey show at Universal Amp in Los Angeles on November 12th. She wore a customized Morrissey jeans jacket over a barely there dress scrunched up with zippers and the highest/thinnest heeled boots I have ever seen. She looked blissed out and flushed after the show, even though she was scowling (funny how she can do that simultaneously). And walked away with her head down quickly when she saw that I recognized her.

· Spotted Scary Movie's Shawn Wayans at the Beverly Center Bloomingdale's last night. He carried a big shopping bag and was followed by an even bigger entourage.

· i ate dinner next to toni braxton at crustacean on saturday night. she was with her husband and sporting jeans rolled up to her knees in honor of her son, whom she lovingly named 'denim'. husband braxton dropped
approx. $200 on a dinner of crab and garlic noodles, and then, loudly announced "baby, i'm going to have them pull up the car" so she wouldn't have to wait outside in that bone-chilling 55 degree weather. who said chivalry was dead? i wish i could have gotten her to break into a rendition of 'you're making me high' while dancing over the glass koi pond..

· At the Edendale Grill on Sat. night, my friend and i were breaking the age barrier by 40 years. We felt as if this Silverlake hot spot had turned into a scene from Cocoon. But low and behold Rachel Blanchard of 7th Heaven/Clueless the t.v show fame was soon seated at the table next to us. We quickly forgot about her when we spotted hipster darlings Jason Schwartzman and Zooey Deschanel at the outside tables. We suddenly felt cool again, grabbed our scarves, and hit the road.

· Peed right next to Mike Tyson in the men's room at the Southwest Terminal at LAX. Might not have noticed, absorbed as I was in my task, but the alarming face tattoo is hard to miss. He was wearing crew neck sweater and a brown jacket... dressed very normal, aside from the aforementioned tattoo. No, I did not sneak a peek at the plumbing for any number of reasons, not least of which is that some things are just better not in your brain. We got on the plane to Vegas with former volleyball vixen Gabrielle Reece and towheaded baby, who was not just crying, but SCREAMING for much of the flight. (The baby, not Gaby.)

· Ran into Woody Harrelson Friday in the garage at Amoeba , Of course I never leave home without a J. I offered to Puff him down he politely replied "he was off to do some press " I said not to panic that it was organic and said take for after dinner.

· Saturday morning, a friend and I had to swing by the International News and Magazines in Brentwood to pick up a copy of Playgirl, as one does. Also because we know someone appearing in this month's issue. Anyway, as we were negotiating the dirty magazines, I noticed that Christine Lahti was also browsing the racks. First, she leafed through all the poncy intellectual magazines — The Economist, blah blah blah — and then she wandered ever so slowly over to the tabs and picked up the Star. I suspect she was sucked in by their cover story this week about how Ben Affleck has a fat chin and needs lipo. She's very skinny — not in the chic Anorexic Starlet way, but in the worrisome I'm Too Stressed To Eat sort of way — and she looked like unwashed hell in sweats and wearing a bandana over her hair. I wanted to tell her that I hate her Jack and Bobby character, but she looked too wan and also I am chicken.

· Last night at Musso and Frank's - as I'm drowning my sorrows about another spec sale gone south into a glass of cheap red wine and a pricey shrimp cocktail - guess who should walk in and cheer me right up? None other than Tate "Welcome to the O.C. Bitch!" Donovan! First off, it's hard to believe he's bagged hotties from Sandra Bullock to Jennifer Aniston - he's pretty damn average in person. And dressed like bad O.C. trash — Garden Grove O.C., not Newport O.C.! He was actually wearing WHITE SNEAKERS with jeans and a dark sweater! "Jimmy" was on a date; my boyfriend and I
guessed it was a first or second date because they were still attempting to speak and make conversation. My boyfriend and I gave up that social nicety 6 months ago. The girl was cute in a super trendy white snow parka (to ward off the 60 degree So Cal chill) but clearly nervous as hell because she would not SHUT UP. Jabbered loudly. I heard snippets from
some "hilarious" story involving her friend and drunk driving. Oh, yeah, drunk driving is a riot.

· Saw Nicole Richie at Joan's on Third. She ran into someone she knew, and was all kisses and smiles. Seemed to be looking around to see if she was being recognized. I overheard her say "Don't bother, it's totally not worth watching." I'd think that dismissal would be in reference to the Simple Life but both seasons have already aired.

· Friday, 4PM, Chris Kattan, Equinox, West Hollywood. Mini-man Chris Kattan, with blondish actress/bimbo/whatever with bad implants. Chris was actually flexing in the mirror (cut, but tiny), lifting his shirt to
check out the abs in the mirror. And not in a "joking" manner. Although, like most "funnymen" he has that annoying habit of riffing at all time. They kept getting in the way of a buffer, tattooed rocker type (a Velvet Revolver? A Chili?).

· Apparently Los Angeles has a downtown, complete with big, shiny buildings and a rumor that said downtown now has a nightlife. We decide to test the rumor and headed there Friday night. Checked out the Golden Gopher on 8th Street where there was a line(!) about 30 people long. Five bucks pawed off to the bouncer skipped the line and got us in among the USC Greeks, hipsters and everyone in between including Chris Carmack (The O.C.'s erstwhile Luke). He was disguised in a beanie and some sort of goatee-type facial hair. He's shorter in life than on TV and I couldn't tell who he was with, but it certainly wasn't a gaggle of hotties.

· Lunch at Geoffrey's in Malibu and saw Gene Simmons with a younger woman I couldn't identify. Aging rock stars all seem to have a look that is half 80s Motley Crue and half 90s Korn. And that was true of Gene, but he was mixing it up with this black thing on his head that looked like a cross between a do-rag and one of those scarves pirates fashion into headgear. I didn't get it. Sadly, he left the platform boots at home.

· Eric Balfour (Gabe from SFU and that weird devil car commercial) waiting in front of 101 Coffee Shop today
(Saturday). His rising star did seem to stall somewhere along the way, didn't it?

· Wednesday, 11/10, saw Brian Robbins of "Head of the Class" and "Varsity Blues" directorial fame, dining at The Ivy on Robertson, around 9pm. Looked fairly standard, eating dinner in a corner table with a rather large male companion, with a shaved head and Hawaiian shirt, gabbing on a cell phone. Who was this male companion?

· Saw Daniel Baldwin in Trader Joe's on Pico in Santa Monica on Sunday night. He seemed full of "energy" and was purchasing multiple bottles of wine. He struck up a conversation with two cute women ahead of me and then proceeded to draw more attention to himself by asking a little girl in a neighboring checkout line if she knew how cute she was. He returned to the conversation with the young, slightly oblivious women and informed them that they were the first people to have smiled at him since his arrival in town. One of the chicks replied, "Did you just move here?" While the other
just looked scared and continued to smile. He replied he was working in town for Showtime and in a last gasp of "please recognize me" introduced himself as Daniel Baldwin to yet another shopper in line. The checker then chimed in to the conversation with the ever appropriate, "You've been in some movies now, haven't you?" Daniel replied, "71." He was quite
magnanimous, but obviously lonely and you couldn't help but feel just a little sorry for him.

· Phil Spector looking positively Phil Spector-ish with a blonde of a certain (45ish) age and bodyguard at memorial for local comic book retailing legend Bill Liebowitz of the Golden Apple on Melrose...Super weird part were the Lana "Barbarian Queen" Clarkson videos that Phil and date walked by on way out of store...

· Scarily enough I was going to grab some hem cream and saw Dennis Haskins aka Principal Richard Belding looking more bloated than mindy cohen shopping at whole foods in santa monica. Haskins was disheveled and headed straight for the steak and shrimp. I quickly gave a "Hey hey hey what is going on here" and ducked behind the cereal aisle.