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Free of the cast-iron muzzle that superflack Pat Kingsley used to prevent him from babbling about Scientology every time a writer put a tape recorder under his chin, Tom Cruise once again holds forth about his religion's finer points in this month's GQ. Remember those old werewolf movies, where the afflicted man would ask his friends to lock him in a room before the full moon appeared, begging them not to let him out no matter what he said? Now that his sister/fellow Scientologist LeAnne Devette is running the show, there's no one left to keep him locked up until the moon passes. Predictably, the unleashed Cruise attacks Scientology's mortal enemy, science psychiatry:

"Why couldn't I learn? Dyslexia — what is it? No one really knew. And then when I realized that there's a book called The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual" — the handbook of mental disorders — "and they voted on what goes in it, I said, 'This is bulls**t.' "

Indeed, how crazy! By comparison to this "scientific" nonsense, learning that his dyslexia was caused by alien ghosts playing the bongos in his temporal lobe whenever he tried to read makes perfect sense.