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US Weekly didn't exactly attract A-list firepower at its "shopping party" at Smashbox Studios last night, ultimately settling for the smaller-caliber, B- through-D-list set. A reader recounts the low-watt carnage:

First, I witnessed Tori Spelling's breasts walking her pug through the party. Her jewelry line or clothing line or something of that sort that used her name for its branding was on sale there...

Then, I saw Kathy Griffin, (aka the BEST) chatting up a storm with several partygoers throughout the course of the night. She was tucked and folded and lifted and painted. I still cannot get enough of that woman. Rhe final time I saw her, she was buying a blue overcoat, and then she was watching the paparazzi swarm some D-list starlet. Oh, and the add-on sighting that goes with this is that one paparazzo that is always featured on E! Celebrities Uncensored as every star's favorite...manny? (Not the Stuntman.) I was more excited to see him than anyone else.

Finally, noticed Lauren Holly waiting in line for the women's room. She has now turned into a combo of (mix and match in any way you so choose) Calista Flockhart in the Ally McBeal years, Lara Flynn Boyle, Mary-Kate, Kate Beckinsale, Kate Bosworth, or all of the above with a dash of Andy Dick.

Let's not pick on Lauren Holly. Clearly, she's been reading the glossies and knows that "beyond help skinny" is the new "possibly anorexic." Accordingly, we predict an imminent career resurgence.