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With the holidays around the corner, there's a fresh opportunity for Kabbalah-savvy entrepreneurs to make a mockery of your preferred faith with new consumer goods marketed to the holy season. A press release heralds the much-anticipated arrival of Kabbalah candles from the same company that brought us a "collection of Elton John home fragrances," so you know that they've really captured the smell of money burning in wax form (a formula pulled straight from the Bible!). And any press release that name-drops Madonna, Demi Moore, and Ashton Kutcher in its first sentence obviously has a higher-minded purpose—a "portion" of the proceeds will benefit Kabbalah's Spirituality for Kids program. Of course, there's no mention of the Kabbalah Centre itself in the announcement, and the KC already has its own line of magic candles, setting up the possibility of a bloody turf war just in time for the Centre's Fake Hanukkah. Happy Holidays, Light Seekers!