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Without a Paddle/Stroker Ace star Burt Reynolds is preemptively suing (indeed, shades of Bill Falafelhands) a former girlfriend whom he says is planning to blackmail him with accusations of verbal and physical abuse. It's the standard he said/she said court filing, but our favorite parts of such papers (excepting, of course, discussion of Joey's potential serial rape career in legal documents) are the dueling descriptions of plaintiff and defendant, i.e. "Reynolds has received international acclaim and won numerous awards" vs. "Seals [the ex-girlfriend] had little to no formal education and was working as a bar maid." We guess Reynolds' lawyers nixed the line about how "her ass really didn't look that great in jeans, anyway" before the suit was filed.