Monday Morning Box Office: Pixar Can't Lose
The numbers that momentarily quell those Monday morning feelings of dread about plodding aimlessly through another work week:
1. The Incredibles — $70.7 million
Everything Pixar touches turns into huge piles of cash, and The Incredibles predictably debuted with the second best opening for an animated film. Shrek 2 held on to its record by a comfortable margin, but DreamWorks Animation boss Jeffrey Katzenberg spent the weekend nervously wondering whether he'd have to have his "Shrek 2, Number One Opening 4-Ever" tattoo clumsily altered by his shaky-handed valet.
2. Ray — $13.8 million
If animated superheroes noisily cavorting on a movie screen to the delighted squeals of kids wasn't your thing this weekend, it seems that watching a nuanced portrayal of a smack-shooting, womanizing musical genius was the way to go. Different strokes, etc etc. Human failings are hot! We'd like to imagine that Craig T. Nelson's Incredibles character has a secret peyote addiction and a shoe fetish in his backstory.
3. The Grudge — $13.5 million
"Fuck it," says Freddie Prinze, Jr, staring across the breakfast table at his wife, Sarah Michelle Gellar. He takes a long gulp from an ice-cold glass of Sunny D, wipes an orange trickle from his upper lip, then continues, "Another $13.5 million at the box office. I'm quitting the voiceover work, the Starbucks job, and, fuck yes, the paper route. I'm a modern kind of guy. There's no shame in being outearned by your spouse. Right? I mean, Julia Roberts is married to a cameraman or something."
4. Saw —$11.4 million
We'd like to breathlessly declare Danny Glover the new Sarah Michelle Gellar, but not so fast, Danny, not so fast.
5. Alfie — $6.5 million
Jude Law once again seduced us into propping up a bomb with our fourteen ArcLight dollars, and we must ask: Why, Jude? You said you weren't going to hit us again, but we're still waking up with a black eye. You'd better come through in the Natalie Portman stripper movie or we're seriously going to rethink this relationship. We mean it this time.