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Defamer is committed to connecting our readers with job opportunities utilizing skill sets unique to the Hollywood experience. Promises Malibu, the upscale rehabilitation center for actors seeking the street cred that only a hard-fought battle with the demons of substance abuse in a luxury beach resort can afford, is seeking a Director of Marketing in this Craigslist ad:

The basic function of this position is to promote Promises in community service areas through marketing the entire spectrum of Promises' services by direct personal contact with existing and potential referral sources, while providing services in support of referrals, and contributing to the welfare of suffering chemically dependent and codependent families....

The job description seems deliberately obscure, but allow us to simplify: The ideal candidate will monitor the bathroom use of celebrities in local nightclubs (possibly posing as a restroom attendant) and carefully note the activities of those who tend to cluster in stalls with a small group of friends. The next morning, the Director of Marketing places follow-up phone calls to the actors' publicists, assuring them that a "restorative vacation" at Promises will offer their clients a far superior value for their careers than a week-long stay on the pages of the tabloids. Please, forward all resumes directly to the address in the Craigslist ad. Happy job hunting!