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If only you knew how I spend my nights: lonely, thrashing about my bed in tears, full of regret over my educational past. You see, I didn't attend Harvard (shocking, right?) and, as such, I can't just waltz into the Harvard Club of New York at any given moment where, according to their website, amiable black men will dive into dumpsters at my bidding. God, I hate being excluded from fun stuff like this.
Dumpster Diving [HCNY]