The Projectionist: Jimmy Fallon? More Like "Jimmy What The Hell Were You Thinkin'!"
All box office predictions are subject to the following disclaimer: The entrails that we read to divine opening weekend results vary wildly in quality from week-to-week. Please do not use these projections as the basis of any cash wager.
1. Shark Tale — $26 million
There's not much to challenge the box office hegemony of Cut-Rate Shrek Underwater. We imagine Jeffrey Katzenberg will pop the champagne again on Monday morning during yet another drunken victory lap around the DreamWorks Animation office on "Eisner," his toy pony.
2. Friday Night Lights — $18 million
Can Billy Bob Thornton make America care about well-reviewed, inspirational high school football movies? We don't know. Sort of. Looks kind of good.
3. Taxi — $12 million
After Jimmy Fallon's highly ill-advised first starring vehicle flops like a dead fish on a trampoline, he's going to be praying that someone will float a gay-sex-with-gay-hustlers-in-the-back-of-a-limo rumor about him. He might even need those gossip-mongers to throw in midgets and farm animals in the rumor to keep his name in the minds of studio executives.
4. Ladder 49 — $11 million
Two words: Who keeps allowing the bloated, overacting John Travolta to make movies? Oops, guess "Fuck Travolta" wouldn't have adequately expressed that sentiment.
5. Raise Your Voice — $7 million
It's going to take a couple of weeks for Raise Your Voice to earn enough money for Hilary Duff to finally hire that hitman to rub out Lindsay Lohan.