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The Defamer correspondent on biblically-inspired musicals starring actors that have previously portrayed troubled porn stars offers a brief review of Val Kilmer's The Ten Commandments. Maybe we're not the best ones to ask, but Long Dong Silver to Moses seems a perfectly logical progression to us.

[It was] one of the strangest pieces of theater to come down the pike in a while. Seems Max Azria of BCBG fame has decided he wants to lose a lot of money based on the sets currently residing in the Kodak Theater. Val Kilmer as Moses is mind-boggling bad....he talk/sings, prances around in a Pharaoh outfit and even a red burqa at one point....most of his stage time is spent on his knees (!) or lying around while the other performers try not to embarrass themselves too much, considering they are in an Egyptian disco. The burning bush went out a few times as well. Couldn't stay for Act 2...too painful.

Egyptian disco? What else does a stage production need, other than a burning bush that stays lit, and, possibly, a lively debate about whether or not its star is rocking a turtleneck? We think that Los Angeles has finally shed the wrongheaded perception that it doesn't have top-quality theater. Broadway, we happily declare, is for bitches.