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On a groggy Monday morning, nothing makes us more hot than an "expose" on pill-popping teenagers. The consensus is in, 17 year-olds on the Upper West Side are the new downtown twenty-somethings. They've discovered the secrets of life: Xanax counteracts cocaine and Adderall will get you through that big project you've been avoiding. So precious and precocious.

Seriously, we're so glad the youth of New York is finally jacked-up enough to reach their fullest potential. 25 milligrams isn't going to get you into Harvard, Suzy, better crush up another and cut your rails a little thicker!
Pop. Snort. Parachute. [NY Mag]