It's nothing but terror and rabies in the Townhouse Of Death on East 64th Street! We've received word that giant rats have been spotted gnawing on underpaid Observer staffers, most of whom are still too high from the recent drug explosion to even feel the rodents nibbling on their toes.

Will these poor souls ever move their offices to the new Flatiron location, as originally promised for August 1st? Sources say the move is now scheduled for the end of October, but we're wondering if this "new location" even exists. Perhaps the offices are located somewhere near Atlantis?