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We tried really, really hard to ignore Felix Dennis' foray into the world of self-absorbed sonnets, but the Times had to go and follow the Maxim publisher all the way to Chicago. Still, we looked away. Jossip, however, does our dirty work for us and actually tells us what poor Times housepet Alex Kuczynski endures:

While writing a celebrity interview or two for brand name titles might boost you from $1.75/word to $1.80/word, it's usually not worth the pain of conducting the interview while said celebrity answers his cell phone, complains about the salad (because celebrity interviews always take place accompanying a meal) and pretends to be modest, we can imagine no more greater pain than following around Felix Dennis as he pawns off his poetry instead of paying attention to slowing sales of Maxim.

Oh my god, is that what it's like writing for the Gray Lady? Yeah, we'd rather live on spoonfuls of JIF than be subjected to that sort of bullshit.
Following Felix: Alex Kuczynski Endures The Most Painful Interviewing [Jossip]