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While we were huddled in front of our tape-delayed broadcast of the Emmys, nearly everyone else in Hollywood was gathered at parties, watching the live satellite feed. A reader gives a brief account of Showtime's party, where all in attendance got to witness HBO's gay-crazed, paste-eating little brother get completely shut out.

Went to the Showtime Emmy party at Morton's West Hollywood last night. They didn't have their East Coast satellite feed for the first hour so we didn't see HBO kick their ass, but finally they got the feed and Angels in America won everything. Babs Streisand showed up with James Brolin and did a TV interview. Kirstie Alley was there and she doesn't look nearly as fat as the gossip rags make her out to be. That gay guy from My So-Called Life was there, as well as Hal Sparks, Hank Azaria, Matthew Fox, William H. Macy, Jon Cryer, Tyne Daly, and Glenn Close. Halfway through the night, some talent agents told me Britney Spears got married and I didn't believe them—but lo and behold, it's true!!!

Maybe we were momentarily distracted by an unexpected pang of sympathy for Barbra Streisand, who was obviously sucked into burning in B-list party hell by her husband, but did our spy just say an agent told the truth? This makes us question this entire report, right down to the supposed existence of a cable network called "Showtime." We apologize for our credulity.