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While Madonna overturns tables during her audit of the London Kabbalah Centre, let us do our part to affect the bottom line of the Centre's gift shop. The Centre offers the sacred text of the Zohar (pictured at left with Kabbalah scholar Britney Spears) for a cool $415, with a generous payment plan available for actors between gigs. But now, through the life-extending and mystical qualities of the internet, you can obtain a copy of the Zohar for the low, low cost of...free! Of course, as in all things Kabbalah, there's a catch: The texts are in Aramaic. In lieu of some very expensive Aramaic lessons, you can save the Zohar text to your computer and let the immortality begin. Keep it close by long enough and maybe you'll outlast everyone on Earth and get the opportunity to repopulate the Earth with Madonna, Britney, Paris, Demi, and, um, Ashton Kutcher. On second thought, maybe ritualistic suicide is a more appealing option.