This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

We've all made passing references to Disney as "evil" or Michael Eisner as "sprung from the salty, infernal seed of Beelzebub." But in today's LAT, a visiting law professor from D.C. drags his family to Disneyland to uncover the Satanic underpinnings behind every carefully fabricated encounter within the Magic Kingdom.

No matter what I asked her, the answer was always a delighted, robotic "I am glad you asked that question." Had I asked "Is Michael Eisner the Dark Prince and are you one of his evil minions?" she would have responded, "I am glad you asked that question, no, Mr. Eisner is not the Dark Prince but the CEO of Disney Co. and I am cast member Cathy."[...]

But it wasn't Cathy's preternatural cheer or even spending $250 a night for a Disneyland hotel room that sent me to the Bible for a quick refresher on Satan. It was standing before the giant gates of the Magic Kingdom with the kids, waiting to get my hand stamped. Revelations 13 became reality: "And [the Antichrist] causeth all … to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark…."

It's a good thing our lawyer friend didn't make it to the bowels of "It's a Small World," where babies are snatched from slow-moving boats in the darkness and their brains harvested for those incredibly delicious funnel cakes.