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>We realize that many of you can't read this Variety story on how L.A.'s fleetingly hot clubs compete for our (read: your, or people that actually leave the house) fickle nightlife dollars, so here's a summary for all aspiring club owners and promoters:

1. Knock down/gut old, busted club and spend a huge pile of cash to put up the new, potential hotness. [Palace to Avalon/Spider Club, Coconut Teaszer to Shelter, etc.]

2. Hire club uber-promoter Brent Bolthouse ("Bolthouse is to L.A. nightlife what Mike Ovitz once was to the film industry") to show up with a busload of celebrities one night a week [the odd A-lister, Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid, assorted people you sort of recognize from WB shows, etc], thereby attracting long lines of wannabes and swarms of paparazzi for free publicity.

3. Once heat disappears from club, burn it down for insurance money. Repeat step #1.