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Hummer, the company that produces the Los Angeles area's most accurate indicator of male genital-inadequacy, is lending the powerful brand identification of its oversized SUVs to a men's cologne.

Excuse us. We fainted as all of the easy jokes flooded into our cerebellum, some of which we will share with you now:

· "Hummer Cologne: When you absolutely, positively must reek of a small penis."
· "Two sexual encounters per gallon. Guaranteed."
· "Did I mention that not only do I smell like the interior of a huge car that's not doing a terribly good job of making you forget about the disappointing size of my manhood, I'm also an agent?"

Next up for the perfume industry's L.A. marketing teams: Figuring out how to bottle the essence of the Ugg boot.