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Remember all of that stuff about Alien Vs. Predator bombing? Let's revisit next week.

1. Alien Vs. Predator — $38.25 million
If you will allow us to abuse the tired (but inexplicably popular) "Vs." theme, AVP box office results were Everything We Thought We Knew About Life Vs. Nothing Makes Sense Anymore. Looking at the numbers, Nothing Makes Sense Anymore really beat our worldview bloody with a hammer, drove off in the Defamer Kia, and left us in a broken pile in the parking garage at The Grove. There's still time for AVP to be a disappointment, right? No? Was it the Alien or the Predator that killed God?

2. The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement — $23 million
Finally, something that makes some sense: Inoffensive convection scientifically formulated to sedate your twelve-year-old (and with an attractive, jailbait-y star to keep Every Other Weekend Dad's interest) does respectable opening weekend business. The shakes haven't totally subsided, but we're starting to believe in gravity again.

3. Collateral — $16 million
The R-rated Tom Cruise (loves chicks! loves Scientology!) demonstrates that he's no match for the weirdly asexual/agnostic/action-robot PG-13 Cruise at the box office.

4. Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie — $9.4 million
OK, you're fucking with us, right? You sputter out three random, vaguely Japanese-sounding syllables and say it's a movie that almost grossed $10 million? We're very vulnerable right now and don't appreciate it You're probably the type that blows pot smoke in your cocker spaniel's face and then takes away his food dish.

5. The Bourne Supremacy — $8.3 million
Cuddly Matt Damon is a much more convincing assassin than that other guy in a powdered gray wig, and the numbers bear it out. Things are going to be fine.