This will be my last week writing Gawker. I got offered the fancy-schmancy title of Editorial Director of the Gawker Empire, and I just can't say no to a long, vague job description that sounds suspiciously like I don't have to do anything. (Maybe I'll have lunch with Conde Nast Editorial Director James Truman and ask him. That's what management does, right? Sit on their wealthy wide asses and eat 28-dollar Cobb salads? Jackpot!) Also, I'll be working part-time with a regular gig at a print publication, to be announced at a later date.

Why won't I write Gawker any more? And who the heck will? Hey, I'm so glad you asked! Answers after the jump, if you actually care.

First, the 411: your new Gawker editor will be... drumroll please... Jessica Coen.

Wha? Who?

Exactly. There'll be more info about Ms. Jessica Coen shortly — but suffice it to say for now that she's got a killer rack.

I think she can write okay, too. Crap, I knew I forgot to ask her something.

Okay, a quick story about Jessica:

Jessica spent some recent time in Los Angeles, working at a Major Studio Which Will Remain Unnamed (for now), and then moved to New York City to attend Columbia Journalism School and perfect her drinking techniques. When I heard that, I knew I had to do something. First Los Angeles, now the hideousness of J-school?

I'd been on the search for a new editor for Gawker for a while, so I convinced her to drop out and become our slave. Oh, if I could, I'd rescue all the children from the evil slaveship of J-School dean Nicholas Lemann. But I'll have to start with just Jessica.

It seems like only yesterday — though it was almost exactly a year ago — that I started on this website as a pale imitation of Elizabeth Spiers, Gawker's illustrious founding editor, now an editor at 'New York' magazine. Remember how everyone hated me when she moved on from Gawker? Oh... right. Well, it's nice that some things don't change.

Okay, blah blah blah. Enough of this. More on Jessica later, and on with the... uh, "news." Whoo hoo! You can reach me, by the way, at Choire AT gawker.com.