1. Former Village Voice media critic Cynthia Cotts was not, repeat, WAS NOT FIRED from her job. As we originally reported, she left of her own free will — and we salute that.
2. We don't actually hate Village Voice party girl Tricia Romano, a misconception that may have been promoted by our quoting from someone else who does profess to hate her. We find her punky and refreshing and fun. In fact, we enjoy all New Yorkers who hate New York. We're kind of hating it today ourselves.
3. We officially regret referring to the Village Voice as "long-suffering shadow of its former self that would make its co-founder Norman Mailer roll over in his grave if he were actually dead." We also regret implying that they are battening down their hatches and, by our analysis, trimming both fat and lean from the publication for an impending sale of the paper.

Okay, the first two items were real corrections but that last one, we meant that. Now could everyone please leave us the fuck alone? We're trying to drink over here.