Henry the Intern watches Sunday night's Topic A With Tina Brown so you don't have to. Pornographer Larry Flynt, potential First Hottie Chris Heinz, and mogul Mort Zuckerman duke it out in the kiddie pool. Also, chat-hostess Tina Brown is concerned about Monica Lewinsky's weight gain — under the principle that "we hate it when our Presidential ex-tricks become successful," Tina blames Bill Clinton.

"Topic A" lead with a political panel previewing Senator John Kerry's acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention. When Mort Zuckerman, Cokie Roberts, and Democratic strategist Robert Zimmerman offered standard fare, it was Tina —as usual— who pinned the tail on the donkey: "John Edwards has only been around for 10 minutes and we feel like he's our best friend. . . What is being done to get some character there?. . . We're not going to have a Janet Jackson moment. . . The terror thing is so big now, the fear. . . See you at the convention."

Tina conversed with Kerry's "hunky" stepson Chris Heinz. "People deserve to know the whole Teresa Heinz," he said of his mother, noting she "comes from a place far away." He agreed Kerry is "best when his back is up against the wall." [Ed Note: Heh. Heh Heh. Heh Heh Heh.]

Tina then cornered pornographer Larry Flynt for publishing photos of Jackie Onassis naked. "I would publish photographs of Queen Elizabeth," he said. "You're not selling sex in those photographs, you're selling the icon status of the individuals involved." Good thing Tina interrupted him from nearly equating the rise of religion and increased porn sales to Bush and Kerry voters, respectively, but she couldn't stop him from describing 70 naked women: "their pubes were all gone. . . they think men want to see these big, [implanted] watermelons." Flynt said he doesn't know the current version of Courtney Love. "The book is provocative," closed Tina. "And so are you."

The Editor's Desk Roundtable split on "The Manchurian Candidate." CourtTV's Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsom found the film's depiction of the news media to be relevant. Tina replied, "Yes, pretty great ideas for ratings."

On the First Lady, Tina said, "I actually think Laura Bush is a really effective campaigner." Mort Zuckerman agreed, "She is the perfect political wife. She comes across as an authentic person, not as a programmed person." Beliefnet's Jesse Kornbluth pointed out a maternal disconnect that means their children must have popped from George's stomach.

Hot picks.
Kornbluth: Les Choristes soundtrack
Newsom: "Maria Full of Grace"
Zuckerman: The 9/11 Commission Report
 Susan Lyne, former Disney executive: David Sedaris
The suddenly web-savvy Tina: the-apologist.co.uk, also the subject of her most recent column.

As the credits rolled, Tina asked her panelists about the Monica Lewinsky photo in (I think) Star — apparently Monica is up to 300 pounds. Tina speculates whether the recent blow-up was due to the Clinton book tour. This follows nicely on the closing quote by Oscar Wilde: "Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow."