To: Whoever Tried To Burn Down the Fire Hazard That Is the Townhouse of the New York Observer This Morning, Resulting Only In a 20-Minute Evacuation/Extended Cigarette Break As Smoke Poured Into the Fourth-Floor Editorial Offices and Firemen Were Ogled and A Faulty Air Conditioner Was Blamed

From: Gawker

Subject: Your impulses were right to start the fire in the highly-flammable liquor-laden editorial floor, but you need a little more kindling. Better luck next time, pyro!