Kobe Stays A Laker, Jack Stays Alive
It only took shooing Shaquille O'Neal out of town with a red-hot poker and a $136 million, seven-year contract, but Kobe Bryant is staying with the Lakers. Area police can now rest a little easier; for the time being they won't be calling on the information in their recently-issued crisis pamphlet, What To Do If You Should Come Upon Jack Nicholson's Three-Day Old Corpse Swinging From a Chandelier in a Beverly Hills Mansion.