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After reading yesterday's examination of the ESPY Awards gift bag, an operative monitors the pre-ceremony action on the red carpet in front of the Kodak Theatre. You'd think that with the constant, panicked traffic reports we've heard on the radio telling us to avoid the area at all costs due to sure ESPY-induced anarchy, there would be a little more action than this:

The ESPYs are worthless. All of Hollywood Blvd is closed off for the red carpet, bleachers-so-it-looks-like-a-lot-of-people-care thing. There are about ten people in the Bleacher seating line but it is unknown if they know why they are standing there. The security/PAs are standing around with headsets waiting for someone to explain to them what the ESPYs are so that they, in turn, can explain it to the foreign tourists who are growing disillusioned with the Hollywood Hoopla around the untranslatable "ESPY Award Show" that appears to be a deformed 2nd-cousin of the MTV Movie Awards. They are onto us. In other words, there is nothing going on except for people sitting around a red carpet, waiting...They need to open up the Extreme Player Vodka or whatever it is to get this party going.