A waitress reports from a private party last weekend:

Paris Hilton is chatting animatedly to one of the rich, WASP-y boys renting the house [for $250,000 for the long weekend] [Ed. Note: !!! ??? !!!] who might have been cute had he had a single thought in his head. I asked Paris if I could get her anything from the bar.

Paris: I'll have a pineapple thing-y.
Me: I'm sorry, we have no pineapple juice, um, with which to make a thingy.

in which i say "no" to Paris Hilton [Alice Ayers]