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Last Friday, Defamer attended a screening of the premiere episode of Entourage, the new HBO dramedy about the life of a hot, young actor and his hangers-on. We couldn't really hear a word of the show in the crowded bar (Star Shoes on Hollywood Boulevard), or see the monitors very well over the high-fashion, deliberately-mussed hairstyles of the young wannabe crowd (celebrity-free, it should be noted—this wasn't the premiere, just a party to generate some word-of-mouth buzz). It took about an hour for the paranoia that we were being secretly taped for a behind-the-scenes look at "Hollywood Douchebags Unknowingly Laughing at a Show Skewering Them" to subside, but once the free vodka kicked in, our obsessive hunt for hidden cameras gave way to an obsessive hunt for the appetizer tray.

So if we couldn't really see or hear the show, why would we bother with the party? The aforementioned free booze, free food, and a gift bag. Make no mistake, that's all anyone cares about at these events—and the hunger for free shit is in perfect proportion to one's paycheck. Once the staff started handing out the bags, the crowd circled like buzzards to make sure they [read: we] didn't leave empty-handed, even though that meant lugging the improbably heavy bags (most of the weight was due to the bloat of the most recent issue of LA Confidential) around the bar for the rest of the night, and using our unencumbered arms for the holding of cocktails or greedy stabs at the sushi trays. [Ed.note—We don't even like sushi, but hey, free raw fish!] The show was played, we maximized our free drink time, then left.

Note to the event's organizers: We loved the show! Relished every word, savored every sight gag! Call us!

Here's the full contents of the gift bag, clockwise from the top left (click the picture to see a bigger version):

—the gift bag itself, denim
—Entourage T-shirt, black
—Bottle of Absolut (a sponsor), tiny, raspberry, suitable for airplane beverage cart
—Sunglasses with tote-cozy
—Cardboard tube full of grooming products, floofy, male
—Entourage premiere on DVD, self-destructing after 48 hours
—Issue of LA Confidential magazine (approximate weight: 35 lbs), almost made us chuck the entire bag for fear that pointless, glossy ad delivery mechanism would contaminate grooming products
—CD sampler, can't be bothered to discover provenance
—Issue of Animal magazine, bagged with confusing Tylenol ad/poster meant to look like a sheet of acid (not pictured); cursory licking revealed poster had no discernible hallucinogenic properties
—Absolut ad/poster

And we wonder why no one ever invites us to these things...