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We promised you last week this was coming: tomorrow's Star outs Mary-Kate as a rehabbing cokehead. Yow, that's the biggest hit the twin industry has taken since Dolly Parton went back to bluegrass.

[UPDATE: Oh, bite me. All the jokes aren't gonna be funny. Hello? Coked-up Olsen twin in rehab? Focus, people, focus!]
Mary-Kate Olsen In Rehab: Battling Drugs and Anorexia [Star, June 30th issue]