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We admit it: We were wrong, we were wrong, we were wrong. But what do we know? We're still driving around in a 1983 Jetta with a Mondale/Ferraro bumper sticker.

1. Fahrenheit 9/11 — $21.8 million
Despite playing on only 868 screens, Fahrenheit 9/11 won its opening weekend and probably has already set the all-time box office record for a documentary (not including concert films, IMAX movies, and films featuring skanked-out hotel heiresses being doggy-styled in night-vision). We're not exactly sure what any of this means, but we suspect that Michael Moore is now America's Emperor For Life. Moore immediately begins work on his next documentary, Dick Cheney Gobbles Satan's Cock...And Swallows His Infernal Load.

2. White Chicks — $19.6 million
Even playing on more than three times as many screens as F 9/11 wasn't enough of a head start for this scathing kabuki to prevent the liberals of Hollywood from hoisting Michael Moore on their Bush-hating shoulders. We're stunned; we were certain that the Wayans brothers' clever reversal of Whoopi Goldberg's classic The Associate was enough to get the job done.

3. DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story — $18.5 million
The formula of red, rubber balls slamming into beige, swinging balls still proves popular with America's emasculation aficionados.

4. The Terminal — $13.9 million
America's smoldering love affair with Tom Hanks is re-ignited, sort of. OK, this is more mercy-fuck than true reconciliation, but sometimes you just have to get through the night.

5. The Notebook — $13 million
The Nicholas Sparks novel is Hollywood's wet dream: Source material to adapt that can't possibly be drained of its original artistic merit.