A former Madonna wannabe gives the report from last night's New York kick-off:

I went to Madonna's opening show last night at MSG. First of all, she looked great and kicked ass. I don't know any other 45 year-olds who can kick and dance that well; heck, I don't know any 45 year-olds. [Ed. Note: Stick around, sister.] Anyway, Michael Moore showed up at 8:45, a minute before Madonna went on stage. In person, he looks and walks like a sloth. He is HUGE! A lot of people clapped as the room was filled with queer eyes and fag hags but there must have been some Republicans because there were more than a few boos. At the same time M&M walked by, Gwyneth Paltrow walked in with some of her gal pals. Cameraphones went nuts trying to get a picture of her. I'm not cool enough for a cameraphone so I couldn't take any photos. She looked a bit fat and a bit unkempt - finally! Also, rumor was that Britney was going to show up and recreate the lip lock with Madonna during 'Like a Virgin' but she never showed up and Madonna never sang that song.

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