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The NYT profiles some members of the New York Celebrity Assistants group. Nothing so great in this piece on the masochist assistant subculture; it's your run-of-the-mill mix of celeb bosses praising their wonderful helpers (in between beatings) and the tossed-in anecdote of a nightmare request from an unnamed star employer. The NYCA seems to be thriving, but where's the LA chapter? (There's a quick mention in the article: "A Los Angeles group originally was associated but now is independent.") Celebrity assistants are roughly one-fifth of the population in Hollywood, but we've never heard of the "LACA." We just assume that if they ever try to hold a meeting, a CAA/William Morris-sponsored hit squad would firebomb the happy hour, take all survivors to a Wilshire Boulevard mailroom, and scald their pretty, uppity faces with Starbucks macchiatos.

Our little bit of research into a possible LACA led us to the website of the Westwood-based Association of Celebrity Personal Assistants—but you must have suffered at least a year's worth of torture to get in. At least the organization doesn't seems to have any illusions about what they do. They have a feature entitled "Now That You're A Personal Assistant, Here's The Good News... And The Bad," offering a litany of indignities the CPA will likely be forced to endure.

Assistants, organizing is just the first step. Getting armed and storming Bel Air is the next. Your famous bosses will be sitting ducks. They can't make a phone call, drive a car, or even wipe without you!