· The parents of Ashton Kutcher's 2001 Grammy date — she couldn't attend because she was dead — are still angry, says In Touch, because Ashton didn't call the police when he arrived at her empty house and saw dark stains on the floor. Eh, Ashton's dates pull that "I've been brutally murdered" routine all the time, he's used to it. [NYP]
· Actor Adrien Brody was the first across the finish line in the Gumball Rally sports car race. Semi-socialite Fabian Basabe allegedly competed as well — does he have clones? How does he simultaneously pose with actress-beards while driving 3000 miles across Europe? [NYDN]
· Why hasn't former Felicity posterboy Scott Speedman worked in film for a year and a half? Because all the good writers are working in TV. There just aren't any roles for good-looking young men in Hollywood, you know. [NYO]
· The Star is painting the Olsen twins as two hard-partying, gin-and-juice chugging man-wreckers. [NYP]
· Michael Musto gets mistaken for Tony Kushner. You know those people all look alike. [VV]