· Richard Simmons to face charges for slapping fellow passenger at Phoenix airport. Apparently the passenger picked one of the 25 most mockable things about Simmons, and Simmons gave him what he deserved. No word yet on the force of the bitchslapping — does the passenger have a permanent Richard Simmons handprint on his face? [AP]
· Fox gossip Roger Friedman claims that Martha Stewart has essentially hired an assistant at Danbury Correctional Institution, which is the most improbable bit of gossip we've heard in decades — particularly since there's no telling what prison Martha will end up in. Still, the idea of Martha as prison boss with a staff is kind of awesome. [Fox 411]
· The majority of tickets for Madonna's tour will cost between $175 and $300. For that kind of cash, you can get a three aging transexuals from Port Authority to sing "Borderline" while gyrating on your lap. [NYDN]