Tom Scocca, who sprang from the same crappy D.C. paper as such reporters as the NYT's David Carr and Slate's Jack Shafer (wait — did I just accidentally call Jack Shafer a "reporter"? Strike that!), has his first publication today as the Observer's newest media critic. Let's check in with Mr. Scocca and see how he's doing:

TOPICS: Jayson Blair, Cargo. Rather expected, but hell, what else is anyone talking about today?

VOCABULARY: Slips in "epistemological" in the very second paragraph. Unlike Naomi Wolf, perhaps Mr. Scocca enjoyed being molested by an Ivy League literature professor?

HILARITY: "While [Queer Eye] tackles the effeminacy problem directly (Yes, of course it s swishy to get a makeover now let s get you one!), it seems the Cargo man is one who worries about how much embroidery is too much embroidery. (Sign up, Jayson Blair!)"

SCOOPINESS: Eh. Well, it's his first week. Sure he scored a good interview with Jayson Blair, but then so could my dead grandma. Also, Cargo's editor evidently refused to take his phone calls. (Aww, it's just like when Daily News gossip boy Lloyd Grove moved to town and the only person who would talk to him was Tina Brown. Now one or two PR people talk to him! He's come so far.)

PROMISES, PROMISES: The Jayson Blair section starts off with an exciting bit — Jayson Blair emails over his seven-point response to his NYT book review. So, like, what does it say? Who knows!

GRADE: C. Mr. Scocca gets high marks for style and wit. But in a town with a major vacancy in the media gossip department — WWD denuded of its reporters, Keith Kelly at the Post filing irregularly, New York getting defanged, and Paul Colford at the NYDN rather MIA — this town has a gaping hole in its media dike in dire need of filling. Mr. Scocca had better whip out his biggest finger, and fast.
Off the Record [NYO]