It used to be you'd have to screw — excuse me, shag — someone in the bathroom to get a disease at Soho House. Fortunately, you no longer have to work that hard: all you have to do now is get on their member's email list for some free virus. Too bad they can't email us cocaine and model-chasers.

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From: "reception"

To all Members:

Unfortunately, a computer in our system was recently affected by an incoming virus and, as a result, a few of our members received infected e-mails from Soho House. We greatly apologize if you received such an e-mail. Anti-virus software programs should catch any viruses coming into your system but if you opened any files attached to Soho House e-mails, you may want to check your computer for a virus. Opening an e-mail itself does not in itself infect your computer.

Please be assured that all Soho House computers have since been cleaned and the virus has been removed. We apologize again for any inconvenience caused and please don't hesitate to give us a call if you have any questions about this issue.

Kind Regards...