· Donald Trump doesn't actually fire anyone himself — he pays people to fire them for him. But who will fire the firers? [NYP]
· Britney Spears, homewrecker. Idiot dancer tells all about his hot night of not having sex with Britney and how it ruined his marriage. [NYDN, 3rd item.]
· Janice Dickinson becomes the first model to write more than one book. In this one, she makes out with JFK, Jr. and blows Charlie Sheen's coke. [NYP]
· I would excerpt something from Ted Casablanca today, but he has finally become absolutely unintelligible. If anyone can glean the three actual gossip items out of this rambling mess, drop me an email. Dear Bruce, err, I mean, "Ted": rein it in, lady. English is your friend. [E!]