DEVELOPING...

[Okay, wait, important note: I've decided that Matt Drudge is the funniest thing in the world again. I lost interest in him for a long time, but the other day, he had a fuck-up on his site that said "LADY MARIA SHRIVER QUITS NBC" (later altered to First Lady) and I died laughing. So if you see me writing BREAKING! or DEVELOPING! or putting LOTS of STUPID WORDS in CAPS just know that I'm not having a stroke, it's merely Drudge-esque. Today's priceless Drudge headline, by the way: MORE NIPPLE RIPPLES. Which, of course, cannot top the best Drudge headline ever.

Of course, even I'm not sure if I'm laughing with him or at him. Also please see Wonkette's pioneering use of the identifier DRUDGE REPORT!!!!!!!!!!. The man loves exclamation points more than he loves abortion clinic protesters.

And don't let me forget: the Drudge BREAKING NEWS flashing siren! It's on right now: evidently something is BREAKING. Man, I wish my cheapass publisher would get me a fucking siren for when I BREAK NEWS.]

I'm sorry, what the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah: Here's a DEVELOPING REPORT from 4 Times Square on National Wear Red Day, Glamour and Laura Bush's campaign against heart disease or something. (Me, I'm for heart disease.) Our spy writes:

Lots of Conde's wearing red. SI is currently at his table not wearing red.

Silent auction includes things like: Banana Republic cashmere blanket, Lacoste shirts and hats, Steve Madden shoes (yikes!), Bliss Spa certificates, crocodile bags, Will & Grace dvd's, tickets to Letterman, lots of makeup and beauty items. They also have grab bags for $5 which include: Bumble and Bumble Shampoo & Conditioner, Graham Webb mouse or hairspray.

And there's a guy in a tux handing out couture cookies and he seemed annoyed and very confused that no one was taking them, so I took one to make him happy. It's a red dress with white polka dots and black ribbon. It's gigantic - I only wish I had a digital camera so it could be shared with the world. I think I'll use it as a magnet.

More on this INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT DEVELOPING STORY AS IT... uh... DEVELOPS...