· Ancient pervert, former Screw publisher, and terrifying TV public access king Al Goldstein has gotten married. [NYP]
· Paris Hilton tries to make off with loaned Sundance Mercedes G Wagon. No word on whether or not Nicole Richie left her works in the back seat. [NYP]
· Mike Bloomberg: Calls "bullshit" that cholesterol-loving diet-guru Atkins died from a fall. [NYDN]
· The Transom takes to the internet as we did, revealing that Katha Pollitt's much-written-about ex-lover is commie intellectual Paul Mattick. Wait, who? Yeah, we don't know either. [NYO, 2nd item]