Hey, this Martha Stewart trial sounds just like regular shitty jury duty — and not even any home-baked products from the defendant! Our tipster on the inside writes:

"Yup, I sat through the ordeal of the Martha Stewart jury selection questionnaire. Before commenting on the questions, I have to applaud the NYC court system for being every bit as bureaucratic as I'd figured. After being summoned for jury duty and told that I'd be "on call" each day for two weeks, I was "called in" on the first day, filled out this godforsaken questionnaire and then "excused" until the 20th. What happens then? Allegedly "on call" again for a possible interview before the trial begins "in early February". The recorded message that told me to report today also told me "do not tear your juror badge from the summons where it says 'tear here'" - so why does it say that? Whatever.

Anyway. The questionnaire was 35 pages. All the obvious juror questions were there:
- Ever been convicted of a felony?
- Are you related to the district attorney or anyone in that office?
- Do you have any bias towards the federal court system that precludes you from offering an impartial verdict in a court trial?
- Why are you such a loser as to not find a way out of jury duty in the first place? (Ok, that wasn't really on there, but I did feel like the only educated "peer" in the room.)

After the obvious questions, they EASE you into the TRUTH about your service:

- This trial is likely to have significant media coverage; will this impact your ability to render an impartial verdict?
- Have you heard of Peter Bacanovic? Do you or any of you friends or family know him?
- Do you understand what a [insert investment term like "401(k)" here] is? Can you explain it to someone else?

Then, finally, about 5 pages dedicated to the queen herself:
- Have you ever heard of Martha Stewart? (Otherwise written as, "Do you live in a cave?")
- Have you ever heard of ImClone?
- Do you own stock in [ImClone, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Martha Stewart the Clone (ok, kidding again)]
- How much do you know about Martha Stewart?

Within the direct questions about Martha are the rather funny ones like:
- Have you ever purchased a Martha Stewart product?
- Have you ever made a project or cooked a recipe from Martha Stewart?
- Do you frequent any Websites providing information about Martha Stewart other than http://www.marthastewart.com/ ?
No, they never asked if I can make lemon sugar, but I can tell you that I did once bake scones from a Martha recipe. My wife didn't tell me it was Martha's till after I told her they were tasty.

There really is nothing juicy to report from this questionnaire. Nothing terribly unexpected - just a three hour ordeal in a hot jury assembly room with the dregs of NYC (and Rockland, Westchester and Putnam counties - go figure) who could not get excused. This ordeal finally ended with three pages of witnesses that I had to review to determine if 'I or anyone I know' knows these people. Since they did not let me bring my Web-enabled phone into the jury room, I could not look each of them up on Friendster to determine who the hell they are and why I should care."