A letter dated October 29, 2003, printed on the shiny metallic Soho House letterhead, recently arrived at the (primary) homes of Soho House members. Some choice excerpts:

"We are the first to accept that the service in some areas of the club has not been of the highest quality." For instance, I have heard that the staff has been known to refuse sexual overtures from visiting English rock ex-stars. As Tina Brown would say, that is V. V. Unhot!

"Creating a system that protects us from tenacious gatecrashers while enabling us to admit our members has not been easy." Hmm. Evidently the whole members-have-cards, nonmembers-do-not binary system is proving a little complicated.

"Food in the club is an area where we feel we responded well to members' suggestions." Dinner at Soho House is known as less a time to eat than a time to consider regurgitating. Members' suggestions from whom? The non-eating model contingent?