With last night's announcement of New York mag's financials, I'd like to make a stunning announcement of my own: back-from-the-dead Silicon Valley venture capitalist and mini-mogul Jason Calacanis and I are officially throwing our hats into the ring. With Jason's bucks and my shitty attitude and fashion sense, we're a winning team for New York mag that you just can't ignore. It'll be the fun and music of the 80s with the money of the 90s!

If I am elected class preside— err, New York mag owner, I promise to:

· Build a prettier cafeteria than Conde Nast's, wherein the presence of garlic will be allowed.
· Appoint Elizabeth Spiers as New York's social secretary, which means more free drinks and cab vouchers for everyone!
· In-house Kate Spade uniforms, with caste ranking designations! Now you'll always know by a system of Bedazzler markings whether you're talking to a lowly editorial assistant or a fancy editor-at-large.
· My first three cover stories: Why Is the New Yorker So Boring? Woody Allen: What the Fuck Happened? and Rich People: Secret Photographs of Them Rolliing Around In Piles Of Their Money.
· Finally, the only real promise I make is that if elected I will immediately dismantle the magazine, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid magazine sales again!*

Thanks, and vote me for a better, less shitty New York mag!
Value of New York Magazine Revealed in Sale Documents [Ad Age]