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I don't think we should ever consider the epistemological here at Gawker — wherever would we stop? — but sometimes I must ask myself things. For instance: What is Gossip? And similarly: What is Not Gossip?

This is what I think about as I read Lloyd Grove's Lowdown each morning in the Daily News. Lloyd's column today:

Item One: I had to read this than twice to suss out its narrative. That does not make me happy. Evidently Gray Davis, upon concession, called Arnold Schwarzenegger to tell him that someone pretending to be Scwarzenegger had called him once and he'd believed it was Schwarzenegger but probably it wasn't and anyway he was a big fan and really liked Kindergarten Cop?

Maybe California was right. Maybe the jackass should have been recalled.

Back East, Lloyd sums it all up with a quote on Schwarzenegger from Miramax's Harvey Weinstein: "What's the world coming to?" Ooo. Now that's quoteworthy. Point One: Gossip must be coherent.

Item Two: Ali Wentworth is evidently a host on some television program on CBS called "Living It Up! With Ali & Jack." Before every show, Ali, the wife of George Stephanopoulos, does an X-rated comedy routine, much of which can't be printed in Lloyd's "family gossip column." Lloyd's recounting of this story is pleasantly judgment-free, and everyone thinks Ali's daily X-rated act is funny. If Ali were Kelly Ripa, I'm sure the network would be freaking. Maybe everyone just already thinks Ali's a skank.

I have no idea if this is good gossip, as Ali Wentworth does not register on the Gawer Fame-o-meter. Point Two: Gossip Must Be About Famous People.

Item Three: MPAA bans raunchy French movie poster. Okay... Point Three: I Don't Know What Point Three Is.

Item Four: Jude's sister Natasha Law is a painter! Her paintings are sold to celebrities! Fun celebrities, like Kim Cattrall! Point Four: Gossip Should Always Be About Kim Cattrall.

Item Five: Giuliani, Pataki, and Laura Bush work the stage today at the Rainbow Room to raise money for impoverishd presidential candidate George W. Bush. Point Five: Gossip Is When We Say Things About Other People That Often They Might Not Appreciate Us Repeating.
 Lloyd Grove's Lowdown [Daily News]